Puh-lease. Your moral virtues? They had to call me because nobody could manage to talk you off of the castle where you were rubbing yourself off on one of the tiny dancing people, and you were threatening to jump if anybody came close. I had to point out that the football world cup final was going to happen without you to get you down.

They called me right when this pirate wench was about to take me to her bunk. This is how much I love you that I came straight away. Obvious pun totally intended.