"Pain is an unavoidable side effect."

First off, let's start with the stupid little anecdote about my day. So, I felt like going for a walk in some woods or something, and dragged the parents and brother along. And there we went in that forest, and there was a small ditch, about two metres deep, and a fallen tree trunk going across it. Now, for those of you who don't understand vertigo, you'll find this ludicrous. But I have vertigo, big time - for instance, I always get dizzy when on a beam (think gymnastics). So that? Was scary. Very much so. But I decided I'd cross the ditch there instead of somewhere else where it was less deep and with a flat plank of wood instead. So after five minutes of standing on the beginning of that trunk and telling myself to just do it, I eventually chickened out.

Yeah, I know. But wait, story's not done.

When we came to that ditch again on the way back, I decided that to hell with it, it was a matter of pride and I was going to do this despite that irrational fear of mine. And I was standing on it, knees going weak, but once I'd taken the first few mini-steps and was actually standing over the void? (Yeah, I know, two metres isn't exactly an abyss, but to me it was.) I didn't really have a choice then, I could only move forward. I was scared shitless, really, legs trembling, but I did it slowly for the few first steps where big knots in the wood meant I couldn't just walk, and once I'd gotten past those I just had to take a few steps and I was on the other side! Heart beating in my chest like crazy, legs weaker than ever, but I'd done it. I think I was trying to prove something to myself, and I was just so happy that I hadn't chickened out again.

Next step is parachuting. Heh.

Now, let's talk Carnivàle. I've just finished watching season 2 - the final season, might I add. And it's given me urges to write this whole post with "ain't"s and "got"s and all those Southern turns of phrase, which I repressed thinking that the ditch 'n trunk story would already come off as ridiculous enough all on its lonesome. But now I really feel like taking up that Firefly/Highlander/Carnivàle crossover of mine, because these universes are made to be merged and I got all sorts of ideas while watching, and I need to go back on what I already got and start changing things and stuff. 'Sides, that story suits my mood these days, I do believe. ( Now on with the very spoilery ranting. )